Saturday, December 30, 2006

Approaching 2007...

Hello all!

I will try to blog on "Choosing the Right Toy" soon but currently my life is going through a transition period in which prayers and intercession will be very much appreciated. :)

I still believe 2007 will be my greatest year yet but as how it is going to be, I am not too sure.
All I know that it is gonna be a year of building and strengthening for me.

I also will like to devote my time into my studies (I hope) and interests as well as discipling my members more in my CG. (So W300 people, pls press into my life as I press into yours)
2007 will definitely be the multiplication year for us.

Meanwhile you can email me at pictures of your favorite soft toy for my next entry. (yeap! dun be shy)

Thank you for reading and for your wonderful feedbacks.

Have a Happy Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

All About Love Part III: The Guru's Definition

WARNING: Pls take your time to read and absorb the goodness of michelle-ism

I know I know...

You are amazed by my manifold wisdom in love.

And yes, I am very established in MICHELLE-ISM, which is like the highest order of -ISM in this entire world.


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MANY were amazed and marvelled by michelle-ism. Practically drooling at every word I say.

Today, I will hence end my 3 part series on LOVE with Part III: The Guru's Definition.
It may not be the same as what you feel love is, and you may disagree with all your heart. Whatever it is, hope it will allow you to know michelle-ism a little better :)

In the Beginning

I can't remember exactly when I start falling in love, or infatuations, but it is definitely primary school days.

Man, I definitely look like rubbish in those times, and very often people will mistaken me as 16 years old or older when I was only primary 5 or 6!! (Ironically now when I am 23 years old, some people thought I look 17... oh well)

Back to topic, I started having crushes when I was young. Maybe I was lonely or maybe I read too many disney princess stories, I often fantasize meeting a prince charming that will somehow rescue me from my current pathetic state into a life full of love and adventure.

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Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite disney classic of all times and I believe it kinda "mould' my foundation in love.

Unlike other silly disney love stories, this love took time to nurture and it goes beyond the superficial.
Like Belle, I often felt trapped in a world that is so routine and boring that I often daydream and fantasize about breaking free from all these mediocrity.

Many times I wondered why we must do this and why we must do that. Why love must be like this, and why it has to be like that?
In my mind, I craved for something special, someone out of the ordinary.
Someone who will love me in a way that will assure me that I am the one and only in his universe.

So romantic hor? And I was like in Primary School. o___o

Teenage Years

But during my secondary years, I kinda backslided from my belief system, because I can't find anyone like that.

Quite a few guys went after me (even though I look like crap) so since I was quite attractive in a sense, I am usually quite open to having relationships or steads we called in those days (oh man) O___O
My quest to have a boyfriend thus begun in Secondary One.

So during the first semester in Sec 1, I got my first ever boyfriend... (i told you I was skillful)
AND we were together for a grand total of ONE DAY.

Er... How come only for a day? Why don't you try to get know him better? You are Guru lei...

Firstly, I was 13 years old then (with no brains or experience), and Secondly,
the person was too faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from my ideal prince charming (more like a toad) and I got to my senses the moment he attempt to touch my delicate hand.
My reaction was like this (as illustrated)

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Scary hor? Yea~ the Love Guru was a crazy, angry witch before she found michelle-ism.

So it is no surprise I broke up with him soon after that grotesque experience..........................
......... with a letter, passed to him by my unfortunate friends (so very the childish and duh right? Yeah i know -___-)

Anyway, despite such ridicuous first experience, my quest to have a boyfriend didn't stop. I believe there is one word to describe this....


Yes, your beautiful great one here was actually ddddeesssperraatteee (though I die also wun admit in those times)

When I watch movies or read those romance novels, I would be fantasizing when my prince charming will come. My conversations with my equally "desperate" girlfriends will be all about boys and our crushes.
We can indeed also have a TV series about us: Desperate Schoolgirls

Yet though I am desperate THEN (pls DO NOT say I am desperate now, I am sooooo NOT desperate..*wink), I do not want to have any Tom, Dick, Harry...
I had many choices.....

all kinds of shapes...

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and sizes...

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I wish I can tell you that my first love was as dramatic as Romeo and Juliet but it was actually very very very normal.

However, the events preceding us getting together was funny like crazy (to me).

It is also super nonsensical and I wondered till now why I could have the courage and boldness to perform such a stunt, being such a beautiful and well sought after lady (yaaa riiiggghhtt)

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--> Are you dazzled by my pretty face yet?

I was Secondary 3 and was studying in one of the worst class in my school. My class combi were the arts (me) and technical students with combined physics and chemistry.
As my class 50% were malay students, we would joined other classes for our respective mother tongue language classes.

That is when I meet GFL* (Guru's first love) in the class that I joined for my chinese lesson.

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He was in a better class, taking History and Pure Physics and Chemistry for his combination.
He was also a nerd, looking every bit a nerd would and as for me, a noisy and naughty student, I didnt take notice of him at all for the first 6 months in the chinese class.

Things changed when my school shifted building and we have new sitting arrangement.
Being the last one from my class to reach the chinese class (as usual fashionably late), i have no choice but to take the last seat that is available... that is next to GFL!!!

Haha... you all may be thinking "Love at First Sight" but actually I was pretty pissed for being left out by my good friends (they sat together... hmmph!) but being a chamelon, i began to start to get to know the new people sitting around me.

He was rather quiet and kept to his own most of the time. So unless we were laughing at the chinese teacher for being dumb or cheating on our "ting xie", there wasnt much interaction.

I think I started to develop some liking for him is when he started to sing a song that I like (Boyzone - No matter What)... ya lar, i know it's lame but i was 15!!
Being drawn to the song and his voice, I asked if I could draw a portrait of him.
(dun be alarmed, i draw portraits and other stuff often in class)

As I was drawing, I realized that he got very nice and big eyes (he wears glasses, but becos of my limited drawing skills, I requested that he takes them down for the portrait)
Therefore I begin to develop feelings for GFL. O______O

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My friends werent very supportive though, they felt that he was ugly and nerdy but I couldnt care less. The more I see him in school, the more I liked him, so I tried my best to look pretty and cool during chinese class. But that doesnt seem to work as he simply did not seem interested in me.

Sad and desperate am I... I became crazy and hopelessly in love that I resort to asking him for a tissue to keep everytime I see him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Seriously if you ask me now, I also dunno what I do that for... I even wrote down the dates after taking the tissue from him. (super roll eyes o_____O)

My friends asked me how come I didnt tell him that I like him and ask him out, because they were so sure I could get him.
But my convictions were that a girl should never ever go after a guy (a conviction that still stands now)
So I sadly collect all the tissues and placed them nicely in an envelope.

Then came the bad news............. we wont be in the same chinese class anymore after Sec 3. (somehow I believe because the teachers thought that out class people were a bad influence to the class)
I was so so sad, but there is nothing I can do, and the school term is coming to an end. We werent be seeing each other anymore after sec 3. *SOBS*

--> depressed...

My good friends, seeing me so sad and depressed, offered to help me take his number and to ask him out. BUT, being so stubborn and prideful, I told them I will rather die than get his number and let him know that I like him.

The last day of the semester arrived. I was beyond consolation.
Then one of my good friends had an idea.

It was the most retarded idea of all eternity but being equally retarded AND desperate, I agreed to let her do it.

The Plan is this: She will go to him and ask him to lend her his LIBRARY card (she knows him as well) because her library card is full and she really needs to use the card.
The lame part comes: She will then pass the card to me during the holidays and I will meet him to return his card during the holidays.
Therefore she will need to get his number so that I can call him to arrange a meeting.

**yG8IGBGHEDI&* b*&t( shOGH/HGgigKG87UG9g*ig9GIGIg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man.... this is such a ridiculous request that any stupid person will know that it is a cover up for something.
What makes it even more embarrassing that she forgot to bring along a pen to write down his number (that era only the minority carries hp) and then pull me from somewhere to write the number down.
I think i muttered something like "er.. she is always like that" and tried to act irritated. His face was so amused I could die right there. -______-

This is how I ended my Sec 3, with the number of GFL and his library card.
Well at least is better than tissue papers.. hahahahahhahahaha.

But being such a timid and SHY person, I do not dare to call him... so I did another STUPID thing. I asked another good friend of mine (whom GFL dun even know) to call him and say if you want your library card back, call Michelle. So my friend gave him my number. (machiam like threatening people)

That was one of the most idiotic move... i ended spending most of my holidays waiting for the phone call that didnt come. I slowly concluded that he is totally not interested in me, otherwise he would have jumped at the chance to call me and ask me out. I also concluded that he was a stupid fool to reject me... hahahahhahahahaahhaa... yeah i was THAT retarded in the past.


However, its also during that time I went to church and got saved!!


Very quickly I was distracted by the new environment around me... friends, excitement of knowing the Lord etc.
I also saw many of his NCC friends in church and but he wasnt there (to my disappointment). Therefore I just pass the library card to one of his friends as a symbol of giving up on him. That was supposingly the end of my few months crush on GFL.

The new year came, and as promised we had our own respective chinese classes and so didnt really get to see each other much. In fact if I remember correctly, I don't even see him at all. Sad as I was, but I have gotten over him and was behaving much normal (thank God for sound mind...haha)

As I was rather free at the beginning of the school term, I often stayed back in school to read and do my homework (yes I have repented) and wait for time to pass before I can go for my other activities.

As usual one day as I was waiting for time to pass before I can go for my cell group meeting, he came and talk to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Yes it is always good to go for CELL GROUP MEETING, pls join one today!)

It was a huge shock, as I was quite deep in reading something.
My heart pounded very fast but being very well trained in acting cool, I asked about his library card (again..duh..super roll eyes) and what he is doing in school at that time.

Sensing that he is about to go home, my fast mind quickly devised a plan for us to spend more time together. I asked him how to get to paya lebar mrt from school (because I know he will take a bus that will pass through the mrt)
He tried to describe, but me being such a direction idiot, he offered to show me by taking the bus together with me.
LOL... indeed one will become smarter once they know God. hahaha...

We chatted quite alot about school while on the way and he was really helpful to point out the obvious MRT station to me and I smiled all the way to cell group meeting that night. In fact I believe I literally hopped my way to the house.

ONE OF MICH's HAPPIEST MOMENT OF HER LIFE... was on a SATURDAY late morning... as I was waiting to go Service after my Art Class. (ONCE AGAIN GOING SERVICE IS A GOOD THING)
Like the other time he came to talk to me, I was stunned by his sudden appearance right in front of me (but in the past like never lei...hmmm)

We talked for awhile before he popped the question about the latest movie (Meet Joe Black), and whether if I have seen it.
Being trained in church (for 1 month plus... I even won the most win-some award that time!), I asked him if he wants to see with me even before he asked me!

And so, our first date is fixed!
I made the so called first move to ask him out. (Though until now he argued that he was the one who asked me out.... SURE BO?~!??!)

The date was great and was very natural. We chatted very easily and enjoyed ourselves very much that evening. He didnt do very much for me but I was contented as this day was what I have been waiting for since Sec 3.


And also ever since that date, he will come and look for me EVERY recess to eat with me and asked me out many times in the week (library or go makan)... and eventually he will fetch me to school everyday (even though he stayed about an hour away from me) and we became a couple! wooohoo!!

But he never asked me to be his gf formally and nothing spectacular happened to headstart this relationship.
But it was a wonderful and beautiful experience for the both of us and sometimes we will talk about it to laugh (esp at my foolish-ness)

Though we are no longer together, we still remain good friends (until now!) and he is also serving actively in church now :)

GURU's definition

Once again, let's marvelled at the Great Guru...

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What is love to me?

Well, it is very simple really

Love is...

... to know that there is someone there for me
... to have the extra boost of confidence because i know there's always someone supporting me
... to dare to fail knowing that there's someone who is still proud of me
... to be outrageously proud because there's someone who thinks that i am the greatest thing ever known to mankind
... to be as ridiculous and crazy but still considered cute and adorable

... when time flies when i am with him
... when angels flies when i am with him
... the first thing i see when i am awake
... the last thing i see before i go to sleep

To me, what I have described above is the most wonderful thing that anyone can experience.
And the good news is all of us can and should feel as good no matter who we are.

To end this entry... will like to close with a question to all:

Are you in love with God?

If your answer is:"How would i know?", you may look at the above definitions for some clues.

If you answer is:"Why should I?", all I can say is you will never really lived until you have.

"If it is destined that i will not find my other half in my lifetime, i will not regret, knowing that i have already truly love and be loved by the One Who is love."



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Stay Tune to my next entry on "Choosing the Right Toy"

Thursday, December 7, 2006

lack of posts

ahhhhhh... have been busy and tired and all... so didnt really have the time and inspiration to blog.

Before Christmas definitely will update... I am determined not to let this blog fade away like the rest!! muaahaaha